My feelings

When my heart feels the wrath of my own actions, it is hard to bear the pain that is caused by shear neglect for the ones own spiritual sustenance. It is, however, hard for every single individual to bear the guilt of the unalterable consequences that comes along with the multitude of actions that he undertakes in his daily life. It’s always hard one everyone.
When the unaccountability of our actions reflects the grimness of our future, we resort to be hard on ourselves by sticking into an unknown pantheon of hate, frustration and guilt. Often our soul is lost in this futile effort and this engrosses us with none other than the unrecoverable nature in us.
We hate to see ourselves fall and to prevent this we take measures that finally culminate in our fall from havens of our own ego and prejudices and are often thrown into hells of our own guilt and contempt for life. It is hard as we can never substitute such a fate with anything else for these are unavoidable courses in the path of life where we often become our own pathfinders with no other hope to re-emulate our soul from the gallows of riddance.
In this world there is no dearth of sound. Even in a quiet room one can feel the movement of air around him, or even it’s buzzing against his ears. Often it’s the vacuum that can contribute the utmost silence that one can achieve with the least of the work done.
In spiritual terms this silence can be achieved just by strengthening the power of concentration that is hidden in each one of us. It’s only a matter of time, that is, how much time will be taken to strengthen this lethal weapon that remains unused and unexploited in every one of us. This concentration is generally the result of altering ones magnetic field if one has to judge it in terms of meta-physical theories. Such an alternation demands a higher use of ones will power to subdue all worldly pleasures and thus making his magnetic field invulnerable to other magnetic poles and concentrating it into himself.
The spirit of propelling ones self to attain some self laid positive goals is always an interesting deed, as it can often turn a clumsy mind to a spirited one. Clumsiness of mind can fuel harmful ideas in it, like suicide, anti-social behaviour, etc. Peeping toms, Ripper jacks and Ted Bundy are all the effect of mental clumsiness.
Beyond a sphere of our knowledge we cannot exert ourselves to change our self. It is the result of the clout of ignorance that surrounds us. This blanket of ignorance divides our self from our mind, thus we loose the chance to use our rational thinking to understand our self in a better manner than in which we usually do. The thickness of this blanket is dependent on the level of enlightenment that one receives by birth and one acquires throughout his life.
What are we afraid of- that may appear to be a senseless question in the modern day of the modern man, because we are afraid of everything and anything that goes against our will and planning. We classify such events as failures and we are not often experienced with keeping a contingency plan for such occurrences. Such is our over confidence on our fates. The fear of loss often crumbles our range of thought and leaves us with none other than a weak heart which seems to be so fragile that it fails even with the slightest amount of tension or pressure of our surroundings.
Why, why, why me- that is a recurring question that we may ask ourselves on a variety of occasions when faced with an unfavourable situation whose magnitude we may not have ever assumed to exist.
The phase through which one has to pass through after being faced with failure is a real tough one and when your failure is for the first time, it becomes tougher, tough than ever. You feel like bursting out with a flash shed of tears but you may sometimes feel a numbness that contains your emotions within a limited enclosure. Often one wonders why this happened and treats oneself the sole responsible for the event, which may of course be treated as unfortunate. While analyzing the causes of the downfall, one cannot properly perceive the causes in its fullest extent. But a contained vision of the failure and its causes is possible keeping in terms with the beliefs and philosophy with which the person may have acquainted him. For one thing us certain, in the heart of hearts he would always feel the pain of the failure unless something worthwhile compensates the loss. Even in an uncorrupted world failures do take its course. In our world we use the words of luck or fate to supply enough reasons to compensate for the loss. Often we forget that the more lies we feed into our minds, more delicate it gets. We cannot keep the entire story of the failure away from minds and souls hoping that I would change. We have to realize the depth of irresponsibility that had infiltrated into ourselves and had precipitated out as failure.
Such situations would be like a micro scale being exposed to a nano scale. Such situations leaves the individual to search for an answer to the why part and this leaves him to a junction where it is upto him to choose the path with or without any guidelines or role models or experiences.
One road leads him to develop an optimistic trust on life without the clout of any belief system to support it .The other road leads to understanding the real truth which is the fact that every thing just happened in a random manner such that its responsibility for occurrences lies on no one. Another road leads him to the various belief systems which teach about good, bad, blessings and punishments. Another road leads him to a place from where no one has ever come back, suicide.
The most conscious way of achieving a definite outlook to ones life lies in realizing the definite pattern in which it moves about. Life may be described as a pattern following a sinusoidal path to erect itself on the plane of survival. The total distance taken by the beacon may be infinity as life does not depend on its physical entity. There lay the spheres of its spirituality and metaphysics. Often we shift ourselves over different realms in the physical self. But a true conscious realization is required to enable the mind to shift towards the spiritual self.
My therapist once said to me about the insignificance of concentrating one the spiritual side of a person. But a prolonged analysis of that ideology made me get a realization that he was wrong. As long as survival is limited by the boundaries of physical self we constrain the ideas that signify the emergent effect of our spirituality. Only a spiritual persona can yearn for a psychological maturity beyond the purview of the biggest genius of the day.
Generally it is taken for granted when we find ourselves in troublesome situations. When we analyze our problems from their physical purview we often fail to draw any conclusions. But when we step out of those boundaries, erected even without our knowledge, we are able to draw out of the box conclusions that energize ourselves in many ways. This may be characterized as the spiritual manner of living life.
It is often what we adopt from our parents that cement our lives to form a well rooted structure. Whatever we adopt from those with whom we do not attach primarily have the same consequences as the relationships may be.
The ability of the human soul to annihilate the inner evil is beyond any comprehendible ideology. The fall of human soul from the Garden of Eden has been the turning point in the basic concept of Christian philosophy. The distinction between the good and evil has been the inevitable concept that has revolutionized the basic human thinking pattern. Generations have tried o interpret the basic idea of the good and the evil in their own ways, according to their whims and fancies. But these definitions have been subject to alteration in the same generation itself or in the acceding generations.
Fortunate are those who have survived the world of interpretations with their own interpretations. But the lives of the many who have struggled to keep themselves alive in that world can be seen only from a pathetic view. Good-evil interpretations have been the milestones in the time line of human civilization. As far as anyone can recall, we still believe in categorizing human activities as good and bad as 1 and 0. It has been the concept of presence and absence that has been the center of most admiration.
Why did I become so spiritually conscious person, I don’t now the answer. May be it lies in the past or in the future, one may never know. When one looses the thrill of life, it often provokes him to wind everything up. Winding up of relationships, emotions and activities are only some of the consequences of the bewilderment of a human self under the stress of spiritual reorganization. Often the perfect solution for such instances is nothing less than a complete detachment from the wild crowd of uncomfortable surroundings. The travel into the serenity of loneliness along with the acquaintance of the nature often provides comforts to the bewildered souls. When the feeling of vacuum or meaninglessness is accompanied by the tenderness of age, it would be like opening up the dam shutters on the most rainy day, thus would provide drastic consequences. When rivers run into deserts either they dry up or they change the desert, likewise the consequences can be positive or ‘negative’. Often spiritual awakening leads to the ‘negative’ side where detachment from reality and responsibilities form the direct consequences thus leaving a real question on the future of the person as a whole. The positive side often consists of a refined personality being formed with a spirit to triumph over any form of difficult, even when it threatens to uproot the very existence of the person.
In the modern era of conflicts and confluence, only the survival is the main question. The values that need to accompany the life are not significant. The basic fact that life need to grow while it survives and the nourishment is derived from the values or principles attached to it is often forgotten or becomes a foregone conclusion. Everything is taken for granted in a fast moving world. No one has time to stand for a moment and to ponder over the sanity of an action and its consequences. The truth is there is no time even when the tide of time is moving around. This leads to direct application of the theory of unintended consequences. We take actions for satisfying our ends and these actions not only solve our problems but also create new problems of even more challenging nature. It thus evolves and evolves in randomness to form a pattern. We move on solving each problem after another. But what we need to do is go back, that is to go back to the source and provide a befitting solution with reference to the original problem. Thus taking a few moments to look back can really change the present as well as ones future. Meaningless it may sound these efforts to be to everyone, but the simplicity in its beginning and the complexity in its end are all the result of ones viewpoint.
We all have our viewpoints. Either these are inherited or formed from the surroundings form experience. What are these viewpoints worth of, one doesn’t know. But at every point of life, these viewpoints influence every decision taken even for the smallest step. Stripping ones self off these viewpoints is something next to impossible. When these viewpoints make a person orthodox, it becomes his prejudice and further more his ego. Nothing can be the resulted by a viewpoint which hinders the progress of the person by feeding his brain with wrong notions and unbefitting decisions. Viewpoints formed other than by logic are the result of passion and emotions. When logical conclusions are replaced by the emotions dire consequences are effected upon. In tight situations when brain does not make the decision and it is left upon to the heart to make the decision, the decision would prove often to hinder or destroy his progress.
What could be the progress of a person? The concept of progress has been widely debated at various moments in a person’s life with the dial moving either to the materialistic part or spiritual part. The only conclusion for such a debate is simple, “it depends”. Yes, it depends on the phase of life in which the person finds himself. When he may a big success or a big loser, growth to him is spiritual and when he is in the mean phase, growth is defined by him as materialistic. A time dependent variable, a definition suited for growth from a mathematical viewpoint.
Frustrated am I, not because of what has happened to me but because of how it has happened to me. Everything has happened in an unexpected manner leaving to the question of why it has happened to me. It is another question to the series of countless questions that govern the functioning of the basic form of life in this universe. Highly congested is the feeling that my soul id subjected to due to the irreversible stance of my life. The more corrective measures that I would like to implement in my life, the more complicated does my life become without leaving any stance for a reformation process for my life, thus the only comment remains is what a regretful life! Highly unquestionable is the course of life as it mutates and mutates to provide highly adverse consequences to the whole efforts in life. The act of reasoning out the problem is next to impossible because of the randomness of events. If this randomness can evolve to form a confident pattern of life, then life could to be lead to as more or less predictable. The real effect of a predictable life form is purely outside the basic realm of understanding. The question why, why, why continues to haunt the brittle mind of mine, forcing me to cry out to the open winds and the seasonal changes to carry my pains away from me to places where I would not ever visit. I don not know the consequences of my action in my life but am left to be sure that the consequences are following the basic principles of unintended consequences. These events leave me frustrated about the final feat of my life. Whether my life would revolve around a fixed point or would it move about the various realms of life to evolve as a enhanced self is a big mystery to me. While penning these words, tears roll out of my eyes bearing the pain of my soul in its failure to attain the solemn level of self saturation and primitive states of worldly success which is coveted by every soul that have had its creation and destruction on this world sphere. I cry for me and for my failures. Let the uncouth soul be chained inside me till it finds a solution to relive me from the perils of my life.